One of the most DREADED behaviors my son, John, displayed as a toddler at my Montessori school many moons ago was biting. How I hated hearing that he had bit another child. He did grow out of it, as all children do, but why did he do it and how did we prevent it from happening as parents?
Why Do Kids Bite?
Biting is totally normal for kids aged 1-3. It often comes out of nowhere, is difficult to predict, and can cause emotional chaos for everyone involved. Toddlers are learning the ropes when it comes to social behavior, and sometimes they use biting to get what they want. Maybe another child has a toy they want or they’re just feeling frustrated. The good news is that for many toddlers, the biting stage is just a passing phase. Eventually, the behavior is extinguished as they use language to express difficult feelings.
Different Types of Biters
- The Frustrated Biter: When a toy is snatched or they don’t get their way, toddlers sometimes bite because they don’t know how else to express their feelings. Your job? Step in, label those feelings (“I see you’re mad…”), and remind them “…but teeth are for eating, not for biting.”
- The Experimental Biter: Some toddlers are like mini-scientists—they want to see what happens if they bite. Teach them what’s okay to teethe on or chew (toys, food) and what’s not (people).
- The Teething Biter: Teething hurts! Some kids bite because they’re trying to soothe their aching gums. Give them something cold to chew on, like a teething ring.
- The Threatened Biter: Some kids bite when they feel scared or out of control. They’re trying to protect themselves.
- The Attention-Seeking Biter: Kids love attention, even if it’s negative. If biting gets them lots of focus from adults, they might keep doing it. Instead, give the bitten child all the attention, and downplay the biter. The more dramatic positive attention you can give the bitten child, the better!
How to Stop the Biting
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- Give Them Words: When your child is frustrated, speak for them: “You wanted that toy, didn’t you?” And then remind them, “Teeth are for eating, not biting.”
- Read Together: Read them books on biting every day. You’ll see our Pre-Primary Teacher reading these titles often in the classroom: Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick, Little Dinos Don’t Bite by Michael Dahl, and No Biting by Karen Katz.
- Show Patience: Help your child learn how to manage frustration by offering solutions like, “We have another red truck right over here. Let’s go get it.”
- Focus on the Victim: Comfort the child who was bitten, and let the biter see that hurting others isn’t the way to get attention.
- Clean Up: If there’s a mark, clean it up with soap and water, and offer some ice to soothe the pain.
- Calm Down: Approach the biter calmly and explain how they hurt their friend. Help them understand their actions have consequences.
- Teach Assertiveness: Encourage both the biter and the bitten to use words like “No!” or “Mine!”—they’re great defenses against future biting. The goal is to teach assertiveness and communication skills to both the child who bites and the child who gets bitten.
When Biting Won’t Stop
If your child keeps biting despite your best efforts, it might be time to team up with their teacher. Together, you can create a consistent plan for home and school to break the habit.
Once my son started to speak more confidently and gain social skills (and experience a lot of time outs), he was able to say “No!” when a child tried to take his toy instead of biting and his biting faded away. Encourage your child to “Use your words” and help them to say things like “No!” or “Mine!” to prevent biting. Thankfully this phase, too, shall pass!
~ Shannon Black, Founder/Co-Owner of Jarrell Montessori
